Its definate that my life is in uber transition right now.

To fill those of you that I actually know.. well, I guess.. those i dont know, as well.. in.. ill try to start from the beginning.

On the very early morning of November 11th, my very, very close friend Matt Stutts passed away due to a car accident. Matt was one of those people I had met at an event for childhood cancer when i was about 14. We later discovered that we both attened camp sam and became very close friends... and eventually, we started dating.

He was one of those camp friends that cross over into your 'real' life.

when i get a chance Ill post one of the many articles published about him.

Needless to say, I became very depressed and should have withdrawn from Fall Semester.. however, Im stubborn and didnt and my grades suffered severely. We can just say that my depression made me go to class but not give a shit about what i was doing. As an artist.. this is not ok.

Over the winter break I moved into a different appartment and such but i realized there was no way i could take classes this semester. I withdrew from everything i signed up for and told myself Id just be taking care of me.

This all started out well enough.. however, well.. lets just say I had made a few bad friends.. and one in particular.

She became very jealous that i was managing her ex boyfriends band and told many lies about me.. including that i was sleeping with her ex (this was far from the worst that was said). She even called my boyfriend of nearly 3 years and met up with him in order to tell him lord knows what.. and the next thing i know... he broke up with me.. and hes believing everything she tells him.. even when he's never liked her and thought of her as a liar.

never asking me about anything that was said. I still have no idea what was said, actually.

none of this was very condusive to my state of mind... obviously.

January 19th she brought my roommate out and met up with my ex and they had a little pow wow about all these lies and i suppose they made it their mission to tell all my friends THAT NIGHT.

when my roommie came in she sat down in the sunroom with a few of my friends and I and just started.. i dont know.. stating all these things she thought to be facts and even brought up Matt.. we got into a huge fight.. that because of me.. got physical (mind you, i warned her and she knows im feisty when you cross the line) and she called every close friend we shared and asked them to come over.. it all became a big mess and the friends I had there already apparently were trying to calm things down and clear things up.. of course, that doesnt work..

I ended up attempting suicide that night and spent 3 days in psych ICU. I woke up the second day (I think that was a sunday).. I am not suicidal.. apparently I had a severe nervous breakdown.

I thought id just spend a week at home and go try to put my life back together... however, when I got into the car to go home.. i turned on my phone only to find about a million voicemails and texts.. one voicemail kicking me out of the apartment.. I had to leave by the end of the month.

i just couldnt get a break.. hah. right?

anyway, I moved all my things into storage *in 2 days at the very end of the month.. and moved home. This wouldnt be a big deal, however, I have lived on my own for 5 years.. and because my brothers are home looking for a new place... there are 5 of us in a 2 bedroom apartment.

Im now moving to Bham the 23rd. I applied as a transfer student to UAB yesterday.. however, I still have to get my transcript sent as well as my ACT and SAT scores sent over. Im not really worried about any of those things as I have always been a good student and I made presidential levels on my tests (youre just going to have to ignore my bad grammer in my blogs as I really dont think I should put too much effort into pleasing you all with capital letters, appostophies or correct spelling- i suck at spelling now anyway.. seriously, i was great before chemo)... its still just really overwhelming.

Im leaving the school I started as a freshman, Im moving to South Side (which I love, actually), Ive lost 90% of friends I thought were great (now Ive realized they were pretty much.. well. cunts. And ive got better friends.. and i deserve better friends...), I was supposed to get married yesterday (obviously.. didnt happen)..

ok basically Im starting over and its really been messing with me at the strangest of times.

Im not one to get down or give up when it comes to the future, its just hard without the support ive had for a long time.

Thankfully, I adore my therapist. Hes not easily offended. yay!

Im just trying to keep my head on straight and continue to make the right kind of friends- you know, good ones; paint, draw and take photos when i start to get down.. ok.. lots of things, really.

I suppose there is really no conclusion to this blog.. it was just nice to type it all out I guess...

Happy April 10th, kids.

ps I freakin wish the swimming pools would open...